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Warmother51
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311 votes total - Eric Fulks
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Your poor daughter is going to be so lonely. Any potential boyfriend(s) will be too afraid to keep dating her... for fear of being KILLED IN THEIR FACE! Hell, all she has to say is... "my daddy's a Marine" and that boy is scared to death before he even meets you. My guess is... most will run away before it ever gets that far. She should tell them you're a Master Chef or something like that... otherwise, her chances of dating like a normal teen, will be hindered. To have a Marine Dad, is terrible luck, for any young lady trying to date. I wish her AND her boyfriends the best of luck. I know they will need it.
You Meanie
This post was edited by JawJacker on 6/7/2011 at 11:41 PM
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Warmother51 said...
Rules for Dating a Marine's Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. I will kill you in your face.Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. I will kill you in your face.Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. I will kill you in your face.Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you in your face.Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Because I will kill you in your face.Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry before I kill you in your face.Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Remember I will kill you in your face.Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places that have wooden stools. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. And if you ever wanna see one Remember I will kill you in your face.Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me cause I will kill you in your face.Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for an enemy Chopper. When my Anthrax starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. And I am the hand that deals death, if you touch, hurt, or do anything besides look at my daughter smile, and nod I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR FACE!!!!Keep Calm & Stoops On..
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BigBlue4Life
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BigBlue4Life
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BigBlue4Life said...
Daughters love to choose guys their fathers hate. So prepare for a beret wearing, nuclear power hating, gun ban loving, granola making, pot smoking, universal health care loving, womens abortion rights loving, big business hating, anti war, communist. Man I'd love to see it.
I didn't know you are going to date his daughter. I can see it now, Warmother =
.
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BigBlue4Life
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Warmother51
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Kooky Kats 247
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Josh Edwards
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Warmother51
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311 votes total - Eric Fulks
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Warmother51
- 5 stars Rating: 94
311 votes total - Eric Fulks
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I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR FACE!!!